When I was learning to walk and talk, my birth father was enticed by other women, sex, and money. They were more appealing than his wife and child. After receiving divorce papers, he accepted a large sum of money from his own family to walk away from me.
I craved a father. For years every man in my life was selfish, abusive, and untrustworthy. They took what they wanted and discarded me as an irrelevant misfit with a different last name. After all, I was fatherless and my mother was working long hours because the financial support rested on her shoulders..
I always dreamed of the sound of my father’s voice, a glimpse of his smile, and the touch of his love. If only I could meet him face-to-face! And then it happened. His own father died. At the age of 16, I pedaled over to his parents’ house and knocked on the door.
There he stood-the father I longed to meet. “Hi! Are you one of the neighborhood kids here to see my mom?”, he greeted. “Yes and no, I am your daughter and I came to meet you as well.”, I replied. After the surface level conversation, my expressed condolences, and his unfulfilled promises, I left unknowingly that it would be the last time I heard his voice.
I can’t tell you the numerous times I wrote him. I tried filling my life with lots of “stuff” to satisfy the hole he had created. I became a workaholic and prided myself in my own efforts. I fought anyone and everything in my way. I was determined to leave a life of poverty, go to college, move away, and never look back.
I later got married, moved to Europe, and had twin boys. I just knew grandkids would entice him, especially boys. NOPE! I continued to send Christmas cards and letters. Then one particular letter struck a chord with my stepmom and half-sister. They reached out and became part of my family circle from that day forward.
For decades I heard about my biological father. His sex addiction lingered. My stepmom and sister went to church every Sunday. As they drove off, he would leave, choose a “lady”, bring her home, and return her before church dismissed. My stepmom and sister spent endless hours on their knees on his behalf.
I choose to spend my time differently.
I didn’t care about him anymore. He was nothing to me, but a mere form of a human. I quit asking about him and they stopped talking about him as well.
You see-I found a father! I discovered my Daddy and His name is GOD. He is truly the one who formed me in my mother’s womb and protected me above any earthly father. He extended grace, mercy, and everlasting love that will never run dry. He made a way for me to become whole. I know the sound of His voice, the warmth of His smile, and the embrace of His saving love. He calls me His own and He will never leave me nor forsake me.
Cancer took my stepmom home in 2013 on January 21st. Eight years later to the day, my birth father died from heart issues. Less than seven months later, my sister went to be with Jesus.
I buried my dad and sister’s ashes beside my stepmom. I even performed the graveside service.
As I uttered my finally goodbye, I said, “I love you dad.”
You see my heart had changed towards him. I cried big grateful tears after saying goodbye because his life had meaning for me—his absence drove me to the arms of Jesus. For once, I was glad my dad never invested in my life.
Christ changed my heart. He taught me to love when others could not. He healed my bitterness and imparted a forgiving spirit.
This is only the beginning of what God can do for you. Accepting Jesus can bring radical change for your heart, thoughts, actions, words, perspective, and on and on. Christ can fill your life with much more than anything or anyone can! If He can save me, He will and can save you.
If you have never accepted the LORD as your personal Savior, today is the perfect day. Come find the comfort in His voice, the warmth of His smile, and the embrace of His love.
Your Father awaits. Come meet Him today.